So, I just finished watching the 3rd Twilight film (literally, about 30 seconds ago) and I have to say: vampires fucking rock. They rock so much more than werewolves, I can't even tell you. Well, I could, but I'll save you from that.
Either way, here is my "review", if you could call it that.
In the beginning there was Bella and Edward. Edward asks Bella to marry him, but there's a problem: he's a VAMPIRE! Granted, at this point she doesn't understand how fucking awesome they are, so I don't entirely blame her for saying "no". She also denies him because she has an English final to take. Worst. Excuse. Ever. Except for Spencer from Pretty Little Liars, because I'm sure she would do the same.
Either way, Edward is really sparkly, and Bella's soliloquies make me really uncomfortable.
Meanwhile, Jacob (current love of my life) is still a werewolf, and has "WOLF TELEPATHY". And if that isn't the coolest thing in the fucking world, I don't know what is.
Vampires are rich, in that they live in an awesome house with hella windows, hella ceilings, and hella Tiffany china. Need I say more?
Toward the middle of the movie, the werewolves and vampires team up (I know, right?!) to fight off the evil that is the other vampires that I don't know or care about. Edward eventually asks Bella to marry him a second time, and it works evidently. I'm pretty sure it's because he's super sparkly throughout the scene.
There's a super huge fight going on, but I didn't really pay attention because there wasn't any blood.
Jacob is still in love with Bella, but he loses because he is a dog half of the time; and as much as anyone could love a dog, you can't fucking marry one. Or maybe you can, but that shit is NOT going to be recognized by the federal government.
Also, I would like to say, that Bella's engagement ring is the most obnoxious thing I've ever seen. Seriously. Fucking hideous.
Fight, fight, fight. Blah, blah, blah. Edward wins in the end (of course) and they make their plans to get married. BORING.
It is probably the best Twilight film I've seen thus far; but still, this shit is pretty terrible. Not to mention, this is the second post TODAY that features Kristen Stewart. She needs to bounce. Seriously.